Thursday, October 12, 2006
When life is feeling better...
Just when im feeling much better after few days of feeling down... the pain in the ass have returned... my life is just like a mountain... for a moment im feeling up, next im feeling down... life is such a joke for me... it has always been..
Met Dr Kan while eating dinner ? or lunch.. anyway its around 5.30... i asked her about my result... to my disappointment, i need to retake history... its due to the late submission of the programme notes and the irrevelant answers that i've answered during exam... Dr kan saw the change of my expression and tried to explain to me.. told me to study question 1a,1b,2a and 2b.... THATS WHAT I'VE STUDIED ALL ALONG!!!! its not as if i didn studied ?! i spent almost all my life in esplanade library just to find sources and tried to squeeze all the infor into my small little brain...
Sadly, for the 2nd question during the exam, she didn come out the question that i've been spending all the time studied... i gambled by studying Weber itself rather than German Romanticism.. i dont understand what German Romanticism is about..
Im feeling greatly sad now.. its the 2nd time that i have to reassess.. first is thanks to that.. that... you-know-who, who cant comment properly, by just writtin 2 pathetic sentence of her SWEET little comments... "intonation is bad. Definitely not Diploma standard"..
Cq was right.. im very irresponsible.. and i didn know it until he told me off.. waking my bloody idea up.. if i was more responsible, i would have handed in earlier and would have passed my history.. i dont know what to do now.. to be honest, my language is very poor.. compared to science and D&T which i've always scored straight A... i dont comprehend what i've been studying...
If wasnt for my irrespondsibleness, i would not have upset him... and im truly sorry about it.. and im very upset about it now.. i know he's pissed with me... and i cant do anything but sorry..
My motto and dreams was to "spread a little happiness" throughout the world.. but i dont know how.. i wanted to be like Yokano, Lester Torrus and Shunzo Ohno.. the musicians who can bring tears and happiness to everyone..
Now, all i can do is try hard again.. and i've known my weakpoint.. which is easily distracted.. i cant study for straight 3 hours.. i have this hyperactive syndrome... thats why people said im a big baby... how can i change about it ?! its a syndrome hello ?!
anyway... im goin to change.. not for anyone but for myself... im always alone when in need... its ok.. i'll get over with it.. try harder.. im goin to cancel all my activities.. if i have one.. to work on it...
