Saturday, September 29, 2007
Appreciations and Gratitudes...
Today learnt about gratitude and appreciations, where you'll work very hard to repay ppl who helped you once.. thats how you show your gratitude and appreciations...
Missed... your actions will tell if you do feel..
Mom please.....
Feeling worst than ever..... Mom can never understand me no matter what i tell her... she only assumes things as what she think it is.. she'll never ever bother to ask me for reasons.. and just assume that things are like that as she thought. and i hate that ! i really hate it... she thinks im still the same as before.. being naive and stubborn.. well.. thats what i got from you mom.. im different now... im really different ! Im glad i've participated lots of gakkai activities and know many ppl, learn new and fruitful things... thats what i've changed within 3 years.... Im really glad that i know her and found her.... and im not goin to lose her....
Now.. i dont really care how much you cared about me mom.. all i always wanted is you to be happy... and how i want others to be happy.... but sometime i want you to show at least you love me... in my life most of the time you do was scolding me.... since im a rascal.. but now things are different...... I really hope you find yourself a life partner so he can take care of you... i always wanted to take care of dad and you with all my might.. now he've left us... and you are the only one we cared the most.....
Im happy that i have you... =)... where im more motivated....
Tired.. tiredd.... and tirreeeddddd....
Very tired today... been practicing piano for 5 hours.... since morning to night... very tired and mentally drained.. felt so bad for not doin dr goh's homework... felt really bad and guilty... nvm i'll work doubly hard... nth much to blog about now.. just tired
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Com lab..
Right now im in school com lab since yesterday... jk... its 2 more mins before 'instrumental and vocal teaching' lesson starts.. and just blog for the sake of killin my boredness by talking.. crap.... by the time i've finished bloggin it... it'll be just nice ! hoho..
1 more min !!!
ok... nvm... just nice.... gtg... tata !!! whaha..
A simple 'hi' msg from you will always make me go high and bonkers...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Turning point ? Choices...
Orchestra ended 1 hour late than usual since there's an open rehearsal of marriage of Figaro for public. Its a huge pity i didn got the tix for it! damn >.<. We are playing Wagner's Reinze again (for me, during philharmonic winds concert). Luckly for that i remember how it sounded like and able to play them. Beethoven's symphony no.3 'eroica', wonderful piece yet almost a killer. Phew..
Enjoyed the mooncake festival yesterday, thanks for the mooncake ! it was delicious! trust me... im not lying ! really! honest! Glad that its back to normal again XD, dont want something like that to happen again, its very sad.. sigh. I really wish can do something that we didn do before together, it'll be fun i promise you.
Now, im soooooooooooooo tireeeeedd. Nightz
Schlafen sehr gut ! XD
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Is it me ?
Very tired today ever since the performance.....everyday listen to band music... very mentally drained..
was really pissed in the morning... why cant you just practice your part rather than spending money on phones and foods ?!?! im so freaking tired to listen to your mistakes all over and over !! once and twice is enough already.... pls.... prac your part..
band is wasting my time for the 2nd part.... they are playing the piece which doesn have my part... so i enjoying my time reading 'ninja' book... its fantastic adventure story book.... i wanna buy more books... investigations... romance (especially so can be more romantic).... killins and actions...
practiced very hard for piano and dbass in the night... and played some games to destress myself. 'pathetique' sonata suits my emotions now...
my teeth still hurts like mad... grrrrrr........ been eating lesser and lesser... oh well.. another way of diet =)
Im truly sorry that i cant decide a definite place which you'll enjoy... im sorry for being a boring person... but all i want is to see you. I've always been dying to see you, your smile.. and little lecture whenever i did mistakes.. but what i'll always feel upset was when you ignore me, when i cant get to do many things with you but you did with friends.. (but thats ok to me.. cos you are enjoying which what i always wanted.. your happiness)... to me... liking and loving a person doesn care what 's her/his flaws... since you've/i've already accepted their everything.. and also doesn care whatever they are goin or doin... cos its the company that counts... all you want is to see their smiling faces.. and that makes your day.. i really dont care if you suggested a place which i dont like.... i really dont care.. cos i can get to see you.... i really really dont care.... i can abandon my other happiness to see you... cos you are my desires and happiness itself... I'll work harder.. think of more better things to do.. i dont care whether you are unreasonable or not.. i really dont care... i dont give a damn... im sorry if i overreacted.... read all your previous entries... felt full of envys for them/him... that how much you really liked them/him.. at the same time.. feeling hatred towards them... how can they be such a fucking bastards jerks? you might not like me saying that since im a 3rd party to talk about this.. but its my point of view.. i dont know what actually happened.. but things can always be solve by talking.. but avoiding.. but its already in the past for you... and mine as well. I will not hurt you.. pls dont feel phobic just in case... im unlike them. Im ME...
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Being Toccataed...
Tiring today... teaching in morning.. piano lesson in afternoon... and rehearsal at night.... stressed! screwed up in rehearsals..... thanks to bach's toccata and fugue in d minor.... freaking difficult for my part... crossing string all the way in semi quavers and fast tempo... and i'd my screwed up 'solo' infront of everybody... embarrassing..... oh well.. its my last performance with them... i needa break.. i wanna catch up with my work.... i wanna do very well... for my final year... i dont want to make a mistake just like how i did during 'o'.... total regret of my life... but its over. life goes on and on and on and ...onn.. and...zzz...
almost cried when i play 'pathetique' sonata 2nd movement... firstly the song is delicious... and secondly i wasnt in high-life condition.... and was feeling pathetic at the same time.... Roy, my Iic, wasnt happy with me cos i didn attend the meeting and didn pick up his call.. its my fault that i didn call back cos i always forgot about it... and also didn pick up when i was busy.. i felt so upset... its not that i dont wanna go meeting... my school schedule is so pack with rehearsals and performances... and outside projects as well.. i really really wished that i can attend the meeting.. and SD concert.. and how i wished i can perform on that day too ! why things always colide together and making my life miserable ?! there was once where i had band rehearsal, Stomp trainin and Gym core coliding together... and all of them are compulsory.... what am i suppose to do ? its so upsetting when i cant go and i have to be angry or upset at... i know its once in a lifetime to go to that meeting... why ?! warum?!
Just massage mom's leg.. she is overworkin herself in the airport.. cos they are lacking of man-power as 3 of her colleague fought among each other... just like kids... seeing her condition really pains me... she is always lively and cheerfulness just like in the past.. but now she's getting old... and im still studying.. i really wished she can find her new life partner who can really look after her... sis got her rashes cos of drinking too much alcohol...
i really want to do my best in my work.....
All i want is your concern... your calls and msg... and of course you.. just like last time... these are the ones i really really need now... I may be seemed as a pathetic buggar now.. but meine liebe fur dich will never change... ever... change... I dont wanna say too much.. cos i dont want to have arguement again.. im not as perfect as them... and you might think im being weird or being ridiculous.. but im saying from my feelings... if not i'll always feel insecure...its not cos of who.. its cos of action.. i better stop.. im so long-winded... tsk... but still..im doin, not trying, my very best to make you feel the happiest girl in your life.. cos you meant alot to me.. Happy 11th week... and counting...
'Brush teeth daily to make it white!'
Anyway the title is rather random.... my teeth hurts real bad after dental appointment.. Dr Tan filed my front teeth to make it smaller in order to have more space to close in my bunny teeth... and the power chain with rubber band and dont-know-whatelse-band tied together.... thats why i dont have any mood to eat.. however i bought this mousse thingy.... strawberry flavoured somemore !! cos its edible.. its for protecting the outer layer of the teeth.. since my front took have been filed.. they need them more.... and my stomach too =X
School is having more and more weird ppl.. however, talented.. =/... no wonder talented musicians are weird ppl.. too bad im not talented since im that weird.... oh whatever...
Finally went for my 3rd rehearsal... seemed kinda lost bit during the beginning... but its better thanks to all the last min rehearsals 'trainin' and stuff =X..... Boston Brass are real good players.... the tuba guy can really play running notes FAST and CLEAR.... very important for lower pitch instrument... cos low pitch can be only heard as a thick vibration and not pitch if played wrongly... the horn player.. can really play the pitch correctly without error on every openins!!
but ya.. cant wait for this sunday... heard that 1200+ tix have been sold!! full house man !
So glad that she's feeling much better... heart got poked to see her in that state.. luckly i went to boost her yesterday! hopefully did not making it worst since i looked like one of the shinigami in death note....
You might find me irritating when i keep asking the same dumb question... it may be irritating.. but its important to me.... cos i dont want history to happen once again where i've once lost something important just like that within a blind of an eye and i DONT WANT that to happen... cos of that i always ask that to know if anything wrong... maybe the prob is that im being paranoiding.. like wth right? maybe im too stress... but i'll feel joy when you call me at times to check things about me or send some msg.... maybe its just be who cant stop thinking... and why is that? its because you are very important to me.... and i am treasuring you....doin my best to give you the best... doin my best not to make you feel bored... the reason i'll never angry with you is because if something goes wrong... i'll always reflect that as im the cause of it... and i dont want things to get worsen... anyway........................ im just thinking too much..... i fucking hate myself for it..... i really really really do..... my heart was shattered badly once just like a vase.... and it took me pains, plenty of time, $, to glue the shattered once together..... but its not a whole anymore..... However, after seeing you my heart became one again.. just like new... but the pain of being shattered is there... im sure you've experienced it before... thats why i dont wan it to happen to you again too....i've been chanting for everyone's happiness and great success for this..... im glad i've found you... =)
ya.... i talked too much.... im goin crazy soon.....tmd! why im so emo one!?.... screw myself.... dont wanna think about it anymore... why should i even think about unhappy things ?!?! im gonna live with happy moments now !!!... let nature takes its course!!..
gd night.....
Ich Lieber Dich immer.... wirklich....
Sorry about earlier.....
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Being tagged !
List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:
1)Hon's bakin.. and mom's cookin.. and sis's snacks..
2)Sneakers.
3)bigger crumpler bag!
4)Shirts and pants =p
5)Eh...... something practical~ go guess =)
Answer the following questions:
1. The person who tag you is? Got two~ 1st is Aud, 2nd is Chin Chin
2. Your relationship with him/her is? Aud is my classmate~, chin is my hon. =)
3. Your 5 impressions of him/her/them!? Aud: Hyper, crazy, hyper, crazy, hyper & crazy =p... Chin: Sweet, caring, hyper, toot toot, funny XD...
4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you? Aud: help me copy scores from a folk song book =X.... Chin: Gave me a surprise during my bday which leaves me speechless =D....
5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you? Aud: 'Everyone does mistakes!' Chin: too many to list =)
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will? make her feel that she's the most luckest and luxurious girl....
7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be? dont bother !! just be yourself.. i've already accepted your everything....
8. If he/she becomes your enemy you will? sign a peace threaty... nah =X... find out whats wrong...
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be? TRUST...
10. The most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is? Aud: lend her my sims 2 until she's contended.... Chin: cook for her a wonderful meal and listen to my music..
11.Your overall impression of him/her is? Aud: a crazy-hyper good budz! Chin: A lovely Hon XD...
12.How you think people around you will feel about you? Mind like a 12 year old kid while imma 6 ft tall dude... Loud... crazy... hyper... emotic.. too soft-hearted... looking dao... look like ah beng..
13.The character(s) you love of yourself is/are?.. Getting hyper all the time, sporty..
14.On the contrary, the character(s) you hate of yourself is/are? Low-self estem, emo, think too much, being too too too too soft-hearted..
15.The most ideal person you want to be is? Being myself... im not a photocopied product.. but to be a wonderful friend, family, performer, cook, musician, and a wonderful Dar...
16.Pass this quiz to 10 people.in alphabetic order.
1. Chang boon
2. Ci Qing
3. Chan Si-han
4. Charmaine tan
5. Choo Weikang
6. Christoven
7. Jane Ho
8. Liting
9. Susy Ho
10. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... Zheng Qiang!!!
Very tired after 2 performance.... my brain is almost completely drained out... the fear while playing the violin concerto.. its scary... and difficult to follow... received some comments from the audience who claims to be a student conductor from CO... yea......... the thing is.... we are still a STUDENT... if you can do it... pls go ahead... argh.... crap i must not worked up when i receive critisism.. nvm.. its over..... BLAHHH.....
hon is having camp now.... very lonely and still missing her... but ya... busy as ever.. concerts are coming ! finally few minor homework has completed... now left the majors one... HISTORY !!! darn it... i better sleep now...
have been cookin own meals to school just to save $..... sigh..
Monday, September 17, 2007
=(
Very very tired these few days.... with very little amount of sleep.... and upset... first of all is the amount of work that has been accumiliated for all these weeks... i have yet touch them..
2nd... my skills have not been improving at all.... its getting bad to worst no matter how hard i worked on.... but still... im working on it... just sight-read a new piece which was given by xu 1i... and i almost kill myself for unable to play it well... all the weird fingerings that the paper stated.... so WEIRD !
3rdly.... is my friend's gadget..... where he took alot of time to save up to buy it... and i lost it within a min.... wth is wrong with me ?!?! im feeling so guilty now...... i never want to sleep in the bus again....im having this phoebia.... really...
ARGH !!!!!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Happy 23 sis!!
HAppy 23 sis..... she's getting more and more mature already.... when will i ever see my bro-in-law ?!?! whahaha =X.....
anyway.... been quite busy these few days.... and lazy to blog.... really lazy.... and things happened.....
i feel soooooo stupid to lost my friend's things..... omg la !!!!! im so pissed with myself !!!!!! DAMN IT !!!!!!!!
its my blurness and kukuness.... damn it.... i hate myself for it !!!!! damn it damn it damn it damn it !!!!
more and more performances are coming !!! and im getting more and more lazy about it.... shit...
just being bored in bus....
bored....
hmph....
Friday, September 07, 2007
Sleep baby sleep....
Finally.. after all the 3 hours of sleep for 3 consecutive days.... I've finished orchestration and composing hw... BYE BYE TO THEM !!!!
anyway.... soccer match is tomorrow and im still playing like shit... rusty as usual.. need more sleeeep.... to wake myself up....
Have been feeling traumatizing for past few days... and i've decided that... things arent similar as things in the past..... look upon the future... and work towards it...
and yes.... im gonna treasure it =)......
Monday, September 03, 2007
Low-life Condition
Feeling very feverish... perhaps lack of sleep..... feeling stressed.... of many things...... and wil tend to think lots of things.... unhappy which is... darn it.. and hungryyyyy......
A huge battle between myself... i dont wanna think about it anymore...... shant think too much.............................................
Oh well.. thats life..
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Feeling Latin yea?
Today's performance is one of the best i've ever performed... the feeling of performing with nestor torres is totally diff from what i've ever performed with... im not being exaggerating... but its true...
today's the only rehearsal i attended before performing... quite rush.. but fortunately the songs were easy... however... easy pieces are very hard to play with... Nestor torres gave us a little lecture of how precious time is... as everyone's response were so dead...
the time for him to perform after he arrive in sing@pore is soo rush and with little rest... and receiving cold response from performers... its normal to be angry..... but he didn really scold us.... he only said that we must treasure the time we having... he didn wanna show off his talent... he want to SHARE his music, his life, his experiences and his story to us... that really touches me...
we youngsters are still young and have to live this youthful life form in us... to create/produce music we all MUST have PASSION....
after sharing to us... everyone played so much better!!.....
Nestor's improvisation is terribly GREAT !!! his flute skill... jazzy & classical style are so shooting to our ears... his improvisation in the last part before we end was playing 'Over the Rainbow'.... i really enjoyed that last moment... trying to dance along with my instru... really really inspired once again... i love his latin music playing as well... woooot.... it can really put my sorrow away for moment...
im glad he gave us a mini lecture about youth and passion and music....
thank you for the show..
havin fever nowwwwww.........
Good night...
