Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Why is this happening ?!?!
Why? why does no one seem to understand the stressful and frustration that im feeling now ? like i've said before.. this week is fucking cb stressful week for us... cos for me.. i have to hand in 4 fucking portfolios by THIS WEEK...... and as an orchestra player... THERE'S ALWAYS AN ENDLESS REHEARSALS FOR ME..........
ITS NOT FUN AT ALL.........
i've been sleeping late just to finish all these junk up..... of course i'll be DAMN TIRED..... and FRUSTRATED EASILY........
and problems have been adding on and on..... not only 1 problem.. but 2..... and 3.... !!! its very tiring..... very.....
why is this so difficult to understand? its not as if i dont even care about other ppl..... i cared too much until they dont give a damn about me.... actually i dont really care if they do care or not..... JUST DONT PROVOKE ME.........
im very tired... very tired......
if no one cares. its ok..... just dont provoke me...
pls understandin.....
ARGH ! STRESS !! PUI !! GAHHHHH!!!!!
Im left with instrumental and vocal teaching homework, orchestration, history !.... ARGH !!!!!! IM SO STRESSED !!!!!!!! PISSED AND FRUSTRATED !!!!!
ok... still feeling down and in worst condition.....
better continue my shitty work...
This week is very difficult for me, im truly and very sorry, and im feeling so shitty at myself for what've happened.... i hope you'll understand.....
Sunday, October 28, 2007
BURNT....
Can you smell the stressful aura around here ?!?!!? everyone of us are filled with stress now... 3 portfolios have to be submitted by this week !!! omg !!!! ..... History, Instrumentation and vocal teaching and Composition....... argh !!! so cham.... then following week must hand in concert reviews and NAFA performances...... argh !!! ARGH ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im feelin so shhhhhiiiieeeettty now.... my history are yet to be touched...... not to mention about concert reviews which i totally cant be bothered about...... but i have no choice to finished 2 already.... left 2 more.....
anyway.... sportsday was fun... even though the attendence was much lesser than previous years..... but this time i managed to see hilarious ppl around nafa... ppl who are BHB..... one of them was the contestant for the NAFA queen and king... the girl painted herself with words like "im hot and cool" etc.... even though she's not... just as slim as a bamboo.. but she's full of confidence... admire that... she can win if she wasnt that...... bbeeecthy...
my composition is almost done....... which i've spent whole day tryin to finish it.... even though i was distracted with lots of things around me.... like... crunchy rollllll... argh !! concentration !! im so dead for history now........
right... i better CHIONNNNNNNNG my compo now..... tata!!! GLHF!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Farewell my teacher...
Just had a recording for SSA's new album... the initial piece was unsuccessful... as im not familar with jazz style... im so clueless and hopeless.. wasted everyone's time... damn it.. so now we'll be having another session again comin tues.... then again... we had recorded for the next piece which is very last min for me.. Tricia have this idea of adding me into her other piece.. which only have voice and piano at first... now there's additional music played by me in the background.. which sounds totally like crap !! arghhhhhh....... i cant produce the texture which i always wanted: a warm and round sound rather than straight forward and dead sound.. blame it on my right hand... so stiff and retarddddd.....
Teacher Xu wont be teaching me anymore... as he've left SS0... due to some politics issues which pisses him off.... damn it.. politics everywhere... thus, lossing one of their best players... he'll be leaving end of this sem... and its very difficult for me to accept it.. after all the 3 years of learning under him.. he knows me best compared to other ppl... my tons of flaws and everything... and he tried to change my flaws... which until now i still cant change it... however its thanks to him that i've come to like my instrument... and able to make good use of the talent... i sincerely thank him.... i was hoping to continue to learn under him after i graduate and during army daze before goin overseas to further study..... im still very very unprepared and not ready which i'll need him very much.. but now its gone... i'll have to learn and adapt new style from other teachers..
its very sad... but life goes on as they says... i just hope there'll be another teacher who'll be like him...
farewell teacher....thank you for your guidance.....
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Im tired.... hate myself alot for being useless..
I feel so jealous...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
One last breath...
im so dead right now.... im only left with 11 hours before finishing my presentation preparations... shostakovich's work is very difficult to analyseeeeeeeee... as well as bach !! argh....
its very tiring for me these 2 days... perhaps thats the reason why i'll get moody easily.. very sianz... must calm downnnnnnn~~~
rehearsals coming again.. and have to attend some concert.. sigh..... when will i have my free time !?!?! (&%^*
anyway.... i wont be bloggin for the time being... since there's nth interesting to blog about..
to end off... wanna say.... to the whole wide world that..... treasure what you have right now... really treasure them, and show/do it that you really do.. before you lose them right below your eyes.. and i mean it.
im holding one last breath..........
to finish my presentations... argh~~
tschuz....
Monday, October 15, 2007
Shostakovich feast.....
Here I am trying to be a superman to finish my presentation slide when I just started doin it phew hours ago, when my presentation is this coming tue... CRAP..
I've been reading alot recently.. whoa... about Shostakovich... other than his words, I've been reading about his life. Interesting man i must say. He have lots of complain about other ppl according to this testimonies. One of the victim is Toscanini... hartunG's favourite... where shostakovich hated him very much... shant elaborate more... perhaps H@rtung wont wanna play his symphonies... but his symphonies are nice !!
His testimonies were very similar to the bloggers, writing their thoughts and complains and bitching about other ppl etc... very similar and interesting for someone like him in his era..
Also read about Beethoven, mozart and haydn's skull... where the researchers and scientist have analysed their skull to confirm the actual illness for their death... Beethoven's skull looks distorted and uneven, but he's still very smart !!... Mozart's is very small.. but still very smart !!! Haydn's is big !!! and also very smart... hmmmmm
anyway very random...
until now im very frustrated for being so careless and dumb to leave important things in the bus !!!! wth is wrong with me..... im very pissed with myself ... darn it !
anyway.... im just trying to warm up my fingers before....... GOIN TO SLEEP !!..... and i'll die if i do that... i better do now... tata~
Its been a wonderful time and days to spent with you... Im doin my best to have confidence... however my old self is returning day by day as my heart have gone deeper... argh.!! ...
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Im very Frustrated..... very very very frustrated...
Im very sorry... im such a let down...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Lovely C.b and Jane!! hohoho...
oh yea!!! the title explains it allll !!!! for the first time... i sang for 3 hours in party world.... but i enjoyed it.... the errors.. and translations for me... whaha pathetic for me.. =(
anyway... pity i didn contribute much.... very sad about it...
oh heres the pic for now XD
My favourite pic !!
My eyelashes... thin..
The Birthday babies...
Liting and Jane!!
Hoho... them again.. birthday babies... (1 day apart)
Jane and Cq...
C.b and i.... classic pic !!!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Unbelieveable......
Had rehearsal for 4 hours.... stand until im growing shorter each day... sigh.... now since performance is coming...... the expectations are higher and higher and more harsh.... thats why im getting lotsa headaches now...
Im very sick and tired when things are clashing together each time !!!! its very frustrating to keep on changing and stuff... $%$@&$
today enjoyed myself... hope you too... but im sorry... and ya.... i'll remeber your words.. i hate myself for my mistakes.. sigh... i wont do it again.. im disappointed in myself
Monday, October 08, 2007
Month no. 3...
HAppy Birthday C.b!!!!!!! no more being a teen already.... Enjoyed the outing today... sing until my voice can break deeper..... dddeeeeEEEEEEEEEPPPPPER.....
Today's lesson is a greatest achievements i've ever had... stabling of my instrument against my body... its tough.... once its stabled... all the shiftings will be eased and all running notes will be audible !! hoho.. however... im very sad teacher wont be staying longer... sigh..
Today sang for 3-4 hours..... once in my life i ever sang karaokie and for that long... enjoyedddddd......
However, ich bin für das Bilden dich verärgert aller zeit traurig.... Glückliche drei Monate.... ich liebe dich...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
All riseeee
Attended Graduation meeting today at HQ.... was kinda touched and sad that our IICs are leaving... and with the new appointed of IICs and CICs.. looking forward to work together... their testimonials never fail to inspire everyone..
seeing everyone there makes me happy and felt nostalgic about our past events...
Cq: THERE! something short and sweet.... Thanks for everything.. really touched.. here's mine to you.. 'Make a choice'.
No matter what, i've already accepted you... even your flaws.. as in ACCEPTED... EVERYTHING !!! =p.. and i'll want to be that 1% out of 99%.. Ich liebe dich seht viel... wirklich honig!!! ich lasse dich nie...
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Bibbadee Bibbadaaaaaa
Im so tired now.... AYE!!!! Been busy with school stuff as usual... and now there's a prob added. Its very sad and frustrating when petty matters were created into huge matters... just 2 more weeks and its over !! i really wanna perform that piece with everyone... i really want !!! just leave personal feelings aside while working with one another.... argh....
I dont wanna think about it anymore.... it'll be outta my league
Did a brain test about myself... its a test to see are you a left brainer? right brainer? auditory or visual typed? its a very interesting test...
Left Brain: organized and systematically... does things orderly
Right Brain: creative, emo-emo...
auditory: well.. just like its name... audiooooo....
visual: ...... visual
and.......
my result shows that...
both of my right and left brain are equal...
and more to visual than auditory... Dr Tan teased me that i'll tend to find a gf with sexy figure... haha... hmmmmm....... hmmmmmmm........ and she said that a musician must be more of audio typed... oh come on.... visual is important too!! so that i can be alert whenever im performing infront of audience and see their reactions!!! whaha... anyway... Dr Tan is such a humerous lecturer i've ever had... XD.... but i HATE HER WORK !
anyway.. off to her work...
Monday, October 01, 2007
When life is getting better...
Shansoshima(devilish function) attacks...
Mom gave me a huge lecture on sat and yesterday as well.... didn have the mood to do anything... and i didn reply her lecture or something... kept completely silent... whats more... mom had resigned from her job... so.. no more income for us... have to save alot from now... wasnt upset about this... but the lectures that mom gave me...
Didn really have the mood to blog.. or say anything... but to study hard.... earn hard.. hopefully
Dearest SISTAZ.... im terribly sorry for not answerin your calls and goin out... im terribly very very sorry... very upset..
My favourite pic !!
My eyelashes... thin..
The Birthday babies...
Liting and Jane!!
Hoho... them again.. birthday babies... (1 day apart)
Jane and Cq...
C.b and i.... classic pic !!!
