Tuesday, November 29, 2005
deceiving...
just finished my rehearsal today... felt angry... but what i've learnt from there really struck my mind.....
this morning... reached home at 1 plus from si han's hs... and i had a hard time wakin him up..... whahaha...... but one part where i sit on him and he was down there 'OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"..... oops..... sry dude..... but at least i've put a pillow at your arse man...... then sit....... whahaha....... ok la !!! no offense to your butt la.......
then...... my sis came back from popular later than me..... heng ar..... no wonder she never call me to nag at me for being home late..... phew........ then the both of us improvise on the song "spread a little happiness" introduction........ hmmmmm sounds more like the MP3.... nice.....
reached at tampines at 4...... then practice the same song all over and over again until 7..... i think my fingers can die man...... thats the first time i ever practice piano for 3 hrs !!!! =/.......
then........ its our turn to play...... first was piano duet with my sis..... both of us were kinda angry with the arrangements there....... dont wanna say bout it....... then its piano and ballet...... the stage for them is too crammed!!! cos of the instruments there........ then after that....... the person in charge went to talk to us....... sayin the duet sounds much nicer than yesterday....... but the piano with ballet....... he told me i must put all my feelings and emotions in it....... i felt kinda sad bout that......
went basement to practice....... then... trying to put all my feelings and emotions into the song...... somehow....... i cant find any.... very sad and full of anger !!! my heart is deceiving me !!!!!!.... i really hate my heart really much...... soft hearted..... always shy for nth...... feelings comes at wrong time...... i always felt like crying..... but i cant...... i think i ran out of them....... but when i need emotions..... i cant find it........ its so empty in it....... somehow.... i really wished..... that i can become my old younger self........ always full of guts...always fighting... no worries..... heck care... care free type...... but these were changed by my mom and dad....... cos of them....... i changed into what i am now..... doesn create trouble..... no fights everything.....
sigh....... i dont know....... sometimes...... i just wished..... i would live as an vegetable....... how i wished that i didn care bout everything...... i dont know why im performin for them....... chingay practices clashes with my performance........ and same religion thingy.... and they said that goin chingay is more important than YGM....... then YGM can go other region....... how i wished that i can tell them... FUCK OFF....... FUCK EVERYTHING.........
SCREW EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
