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Monday, January 02, 2006

My story.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS !!!!!!!!!!!! its 2006 !!!!!!!!!! forget the happenings in 2005 and head ahead in 2006...... let bygone be bygone!!!!!!

right...... just came back from Susy's house.......... had steamboat.......... really fullin....... the sistas stop their eating..... but i still continue for them....... whahaha..... what a pig am i ........... hahaha......

then we had our fun playin water balloons..... and played guessing games....... if the player lose...... will have to be splashed by water...... but if the reaction is fast enough...... can prevent the splashin by openin the umbrella....... yup........ we played "hei bai pei"....... then "HAI DAI HAI DAI"......(very funny !!!) ....... and then "jiou jiou cheng fa biao"....... its a number game... whahaha..... its very very fun....... in the end everybody got wet themselves......

later~...... its 11 plus pm already !!!!!!!! and we went to see the fireworks....... hahaha....... be4 we knew that the countdown starts........ we were yelling happy new year......... much much earlier than the actual count down....... =S........ whahaha....... so pai seh lo......... cos we were the only one that yell like hell...... whahaha......

haiz........ time flies really fast than you actually expected......

we went back to susilo's house........... and we ate her "tiramisu"...... specially made by her....... SUPER NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! with cherries......... then li ting told us that if we were able to tangle the stem of the cherries using the tongue....... means that your a good kisser......hahaha...... then chang boon, me, li ting and jane try it out...... jane tried a few times and puke the stem out...... sayin that its disgustine..... haha........ chang boon wont give up..... he die die must be a good kisser..... whaha....... then...... li ting done hers......... hahaha congrats la for bein a good kisser.... =X............ then........... i manage to tangle the stem !!!!!! whahaha......... =X..... then finally chang boon.......... haha...... all of us are good kisser =X......

then....... we talked bout family thingy...... li ting shared hers bout she and her sis....... then her parents..... then jane bout her parents.......... followed by chang boon's dad and his relatives....... and they asked that if we are closer to mom or to dad..... well... majority of them is mom.... but mine is definately dad...

after hearing all their stories...... i felt quite fortunate........ that my parents never ever had a serious quarrels until divorce thingy...... but sadly..... he left us....... i couldn tell my stories to them......... my tongue was stucked........ not because of the cherry ar....... its because........ i keep thinkin of the past........ almost cried out loud.... but i ran out of tears......

so...... SISTAS............. i will tell my story here......

my mom left malaysia and came to singapore when she was 14...... and my dad's dad was her guardient...... then....... thats how they met each other........ until they married...... so romantic man !!!!!!!! well...... dad is 6 years older than mom........ but i never ever see him bring out his ego whenever mom tells him bla bla bla bla ~~~.....

anyway.... dad's mom died when he was 14..... its really sad...... then his dad??? HAH!!!...... foolin around with women...... and in the end got 5.. 6.. or 7 wives....... includin dad's mom.....

well...... cant blame..... he's bloody rich..... he once opened a ACID factory...... thats where my dad burnt his arm skin bit.... but my 2nd uncle??? he fell INTO THE BIG POT !!! and his right leg skin was cooked....... ewwwwwwww........ nvm......... when he make a fortune........ he opened another factory...... soup factory....... then all his fortune....... gave to his wives...... not to his kids...... idiot....

dad really had a hard time earn and study........ his eldest brother took care of him...... and ya..... he's very strict and fierce !!..... he once beat my 2nd uncle with his belt..... cos of his reluctant of studyin......... and now...... my 2nd uncle is workin in a company..... highly paid.... cool~...

well...... mom and dad got married...... then first gave birth to my sis.......

my sis was born very chubby...... and once ppl said that she's " FEI NIU !!!"...... and she got mad and lost 2 kg for 3 years old gal !!!! thats serious !!.... hahaha....... then..... mom had me....... dad and mom asked my sis that whether will she mind to have a younger siblings..... she didn mind..... and when i was born.........

life's a living hell for her....... =X....... i kept bullyin her..... bite her........ and ya bully her.... until now i felt remorseful.... lol.... i was a rascal back then...... but mom and dad really pampered both of us....... dad loved us very much...... and he really feed me until i damn fat.....

when he was drivin from work........ he got a heart attack...... and almost died when i was 4..... luckly........ with the GOHONZON....... (my religon thingy)......... dad manage to escape death......

i give lots of problem to my parents....... but they still loved me....... and now im really really touched when i think back...... of course mom did beat me... punished me...... whenever i did something terribly wrong........ won a fight with a P6 guy when i was 5 (dad once taught me tekwando)....... OMG LA.......... thats serious man........ lol..... i couldn believe that myself...... i was terrible........

oh ya......... dad's temper is really bad....... whenever he comes to angry..... its hell........ once mom and dad got quarrelled...... and he raised his right hand....... then....... mom said something....... "my husband will never ever hit me...."....... then.... dad laughed..... since then....... dad didn raised his hands on her........ thats a guy i admired....

i was very close to dad.... compared to mom....... but..... if you asked me to choose between them...... i die die must choose two........ if there's no choice...... i'll leave alone......

my bond with dad was a unbreakable one...... of course dad with sis........ he let us study music...... and everytime whenever i got practical or theory exam...... he will always bring us.... and wait.... for the good news......

sharks....... tears is flowin now....... ahem... anyway....

my PSLE result got 170+...... but dad didn scold me....... instead...... he bought me a PLAYSTATION........ its quite popular back then...... and i really cherish that playstation..... until now......

when i mixed with bad companies durin pri....... he will scold them....... and of course lecture me.... when secondary school......... i got top position for class... but 5th for level........ dad was happy...... and i received scholarship award...... have to shake hands with Mr Goh Chiok tong....... haha..... ( for 5 years !!!! XD).... whenever i got bullied in sec school.... dad always stood up for me...... even in pri school.... i was once accused of copyin SCIENCE paper..... and i was ganged by the teachers.... forcin me to say i copied....... SCREW THEM....... but dad didn scold me..... he went to principal... and sort it out...... luckly...... the principal is very nice...... she also believed me......

on the day of july 17 2001....... dad looked very exhausted....... he even scolded me..... i once always wanna break my voice..... cos i wanna win my friend....... nonsense man... anyway...... he told me this "Breakin voice doesn count whether you are matured or not....... what counts is your head....". Until now i remember that phrase.... After my school...... he called home..... he really sounded exhausted.... and i know something is funny..... nvm........ at night..... he came home...... he brought my sis and my favourate show !!!!!! TAXI 2 !!!!!!!!! a france show....... its super nice..... i love cars back then...... and dad was super high....... he's super happy and highy spirited really scares me...... its out of sudden...... and he ate dinner with mom.... happily...... and went out for religon meetin.........

he's a conductor of Men division choir..... a chapter leader of my religon...... and got respect from everyone ...... includin the General director of Singapore Soka Association..... he was a respectful man....... and i looked upon him....

anyway..... that night..... sis received a call from Aunty jessie..... dads friend...... that dad fainted.... and was sent to Changi hospital......

the three of us rushed to the hospital...... and all the leaders was there..... guiding us to the operation room..... and i knew it..... something did happen...... all of us prayin in the hospital...... and a stupid nurse came and told us to lower down our volume...... SO IDIOT LO !!!!!!!! ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then..... the red light was switched off...... a doctor came out......... told us....... "we tried.....but its too late........ the body lacks of oxygen" something like that.......... and mom told me in chinese..... ( she doesn speak english)...... "your dad is gone......." ....

and my sis and i cried on the spot..... lucky for sis...... she got a hug from Linda jie jie...... while....... i cried against the wall...... i've no one to go to..... and mom was......... cryin....... for once....... i seen her cried........ and its very loud......... mom is a very smart woman...... but she's fierce.... and i didn dare to speak to her...... cos...... she's the one always punished me......

we went into the operation room.. mom held dad's hand....... cryin super loud....... and speak something in cantanese (they always speak with that language... thats how i understand cantanese).. and.......... since i was so pampered....... my first thought was...... "omg...... who will i turn to? who will i share my happiness with?? who will i share my troubles.... who will support us.."..... all sorts of thought came into my mind.....

then sis and i went back home...... while mom went to do the procedure....

i looked into the com.... (dad was a computer freak)..... i watched the videos that dad took with webcam...... of the converstation between dad... my sis.. and me....... i was super shy towards camera.... and they laughed at me...... that i act like a stone....... and i kept cryin non stop...... talkin to myself...... really.... its terrible..... i've no one to turn to now...... a man to man talk.... (dad once told me that)....

mom came home..... she looked at me talkin to myself..... and she came and hugged me..... tellin me that.... dad's a wonderful man..... and its damn true....... and tellin me that how much she missed him too...... she also cried on the phone to 2nd uncle..... since he's the closest to dad.. and he treat us super good..... gave the house to us....... GAVE...

for the past few days.... i've done something wrong.... and made him angry..... and i didn have the chance to apologise to him....... or even say..... "i love you"... though we always said " OHAIOTSUMINASITE (meanin good night in jap)"....

then sis called the school that i couldn make it to school...... and i just remember back then...... that i had a Piano-yang qin duet performance with Zhineng...... the teachers asked me to perform some piano songs during essembly....... the next thing i know........ my friends called me....

during the funeral........ i kept standin beside dad's coffin...... keep talkin to him.... and every relatives of mine told me that.... my dad looked really pretty and handsome..... even though he died....... i was touched....

then the most touchin thing i knew was........ mom told me....... "dad had bought you a handphone.... he supposed to give you on your birthday...... but now....".......... then........ i started cryin very loud....... that i really really touched by his surprise..... but....... i didn wan handphone now...... i wanted dad.........

dad always loved the rock songs..... especially by AEROSMITH..... and a song by brian adams "everything i do.... do it for you...."........ then i sang the song beside his coffin.....

i've skipped the NDP 2001 practices cos of this....... and he always brought me back home and there... and durin the ride..... i always share things with dad...... we both really talked alot..... he sometimes taught me some dialect..... vulgar..... =X..... naughty dad..... haha..... but other than that...... he really teaches me life....and often brought me to his work...... and our bondin have been tightened each time... but now...... im all alone...... no one to share to..... i've no bro...... only sis and mom...... but sometimes..... gals dont understand guys....... but..... its ok to share with them.....

durin the last day of his funeral...... lots lots lots of ppl came !!.... they flooded the whole place..... ppl from my religon....... and his relatives..... my eldest uncle (an actor once)..... told me that..... he watched him born..... and now.... he watched him died......... and his tears flowing...... includin my 2nd uncle..... he told me that if he's selfish and didn go to the meeting that night........ he might be still around......... ya.... i did think of that..... but dad still insist to go...... why ??? cos..... he wanna tell the ppl a message....... that " there are two kinds of ppl in this world....... 'hao' ren...... and 'ao' ren......) i still remember that....... he wants ppl to live happily.....

no wonder lots of ppl came durin his funeral....... mom told me that...... he once helped lots of ppl...... and lots of ppl cryin durin the funeral...... they were shocked dad passed away...... one day he looked healthy..... next...... he's in his death bed..... i was shocked too..... no once expected that....

durin the day of burnin his body........ at Mandai....... lots of ppl went..... includin my mom's siblings from malaysia...... lots of them......... they cried very badly....... friends of my dad..... also cried badly when his body slowly enters the fire........ only mom.. me and sis kept cool...... we ran out of tears back then... really no tears...... then we left and went back home......

when i go back to school....... everyone pad my shoulder and tried to console me....... and i realised that on my performance day...... my item was cancelled..... and my dicipline master.... told everyone the news on the stage...... omg........

no wonder i received lots of call durin dad's funeral......

and now....... 1st january 2006....... studyin NAFA......... couldn have the chance to tell dad how much im proud of him as a father..... tellin him how much i missed him.....

whenever ppl asked me bout my dad.... i lied to them...... i didn wan sympathy from them...... i didn wan to let ppl know...... i didn want...... i dont know why.......... Sry ar Evan....... that i lied to you.....

but since dad left...... i start to learn and live independently.... i've always relied of him..... took things for granted........ and now..... i hate myself for that....... i really really hate myself.... how i wished that the person who died is me..... not my dad..... a wonder man...... but since im alive....... my dreams was to be like him......... a lovin father....... a loving husband..... and a gd man...... i wan to bring his name up when i grow up in my religon.......

yesterday 31 dec 2005..... a award will be givin my dad..... something bout leader thingy....... and sis went instead me........ i dont know how to face the ppl..... i once believed that it was my religon that took my dad's life away... and i once neglect it.......... until this year's YCF........ mom told me that dad was once in a gymnastic also.....

now..... i missed dad really really much........ everytime whenever i go out...... i always sees a happy family...... a dad laughes with his son........ jokes together....... and showed their care for them......... i really missed mine........

how i wished that i could see him once more and tell him and mom........ " F-ather A-nd M-other, I L-ove Y-ou"...... *FAMILY*....

peeps... sry for the long blog today..... well... its new year..... and life start afresh......and pls...... treasure your family..... dont take things for granted..... until you regret...... like me....... how much i've regretted...... but now...... im treasurin my mom....... since she's alone now.... i shouldn let her worry so much..... but im really glad she's happy now..... since sis and i start to communicate with her daily....

now... im feelin better after sharin my story.... ^_^.....

well have a fun holiday... ;)

Blogged at 1:45 AM - 0 comments

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium