Sunday, February 04, 2007
Downhill...
As i have expected... i might not get in... "it wont be a surprise if i cant get in.... or if i can get in.." Sounds weird... but i agree with ps teacher...
audition was horrible... many of the peeps were able to audit until the sight reading section whereas mine.... "ok thats all for today.. you may leave".........
so damn!!!...... though its not the end of the world as if i cant live without AYO... but it'll be a great experience... anyway.. there's always another time...
im able to say that.. but i cant do it... my mind is full of frustrations... i tried to console myself.. pray... chanting... but still no use.... i needa sleep... a good sleep especially..
i often compared myself to other ppl... cos they are too good... whereas im just a tiny dot to them.... its really really hard to progress two instrument at the same time.. yet there are many ppl who can... I hate it.. that my abilities werent that great...
Ironically... for 2 consecative days... i came across few books... saying that.. "Don't let yourself to compare yourself to others... You have your own qualities..." ya... my abilities is to compare myself to others... and felt demoralising...
but they deserved it... for the talented ones and hardworkin ones... my hardwork have gone to waste.... i hope not.. felt like giving up... yet i cant.... its horrible.....
anyway... I really wish to run at the beach once again... to scream and to clear the horrible thoughts away......
darn it... i hate myself to fail many times....
still... work hard once again~
This frustrations are killing me.... everything..... and i mean everything...
