Saturday, September 22, 2007
Being Toccataed...
Tiring today... teaching in morning.. piano lesson in afternoon... and rehearsal at night.... stressed! screwed up in rehearsals..... thanks to bach's toccata and fugue in d minor.... freaking difficult for my part... crossing string all the way in semi quavers and fast tempo... and i'd my screwed up 'solo' infront of everybody... embarrassing..... oh well.. its my last performance with them... i needa break.. i wanna catch up with my work.... i wanna do very well... for my final year... i dont want to make a mistake just like how i did during 'o'.... total regret of my life... but its over. life goes on and on and on and ...onn.. and...zzz...
almost cried when i play 'pathetique' sonata 2nd movement... firstly the song is delicious... and secondly i wasnt in high-life condition.... and was feeling pathetic at the same time.... Roy, my Iic, wasnt happy with me cos i didn attend the meeting and didn pick up his call.. its my fault that i didn call back cos i always forgot about it... and also didn pick up when i was busy.. i felt so upset... its not that i dont wanna go meeting... my school schedule is so pack with rehearsals and performances... and outside projects as well.. i really really wished that i can attend the meeting.. and SD concert.. and how i wished i can perform on that day too ! why things always colide together and making my life miserable ?! there was once where i had band rehearsal, Stomp trainin and Gym core coliding together... and all of them are compulsory.... what am i suppose to do ? its so upsetting when i cant go and i have to be angry or upset at... i know its once in a lifetime to go to that meeting... why ?! warum?!
Just massage mom's leg.. she is overworkin herself in the airport.. cos they are lacking of man-power as 3 of her colleague fought among each other... just like kids... seeing her condition really pains me... she is always lively and cheerfulness just like in the past.. but now she's getting old... and im still studying.. i really wished she can find her new life partner who can really look after her... sis got her rashes cos of drinking too much alcohol...
i really want to do my best in my work.....
All i want is your concern... your calls and msg... and of course you.. just like last time... these are the ones i really really need now... I may be seemed as a pathetic buggar now.. but meine liebe fur dich will never change... ever... change... I dont wanna say too much.. cos i dont want to have arguement again.. im not as perfect as them... and you might think im being weird or being ridiculous.. but im saying from my feelings... if not i'll always feel insecure...its not cos of who.. its cos of action.. i better stop.. im so long-winded... tsk... but still..im doin, not trying, my very best to make you feel the happiest girl in your life.. cos you meant alot to me.. Happy 11th week... and counting...
